Black and White Characters You Should Not Mess With

There have been some fantastic movies and shows released in the age of black and white. And Even more fantastic characters. Here is a short list of ones you should never mess with. Please keep in mind this list is in no particular order and is in no way all inclusive.


Mike Hammer

From: I, the Jury(1953), Kiss Me Deadly(1955), and many others

Played By: Biff Elliot, Ralph Meeker(pictured), Rob Estes, Stacy Keach, and many othersmike_hammer

Who is this guy: Mike Hammer is the literary creation of Mickey Spillane. The central character in number of books and movies. Often described as misogynistic and violent with a deep sense of patriotism. On more than one occasion has had to slap some “dizzy dame” back to her senses. Was applying the “bitch slap” before it was even known as one. (wiki)

Famous line: “My name is Mike Hammer.” (Brilliant!)

Why you should steer clear: Mike is the kind of guy that would rather blow you away with his trusty sidearm (which he has lovingly named “Betsy”) than bother with the whole due process, trial and punishment hogwash. History tells us that anyone crazy enough to name their gun is crazy enough to blow you away without thinking twice.


Deputy Barney Fife

From: The Andy Griffith Show(1960)

Played By:Don Knotts

Who is this guy: Acted as the catalyst for many of the early episodes. They revolved mostly around him overreacting to small town life and creating all sorts of havoc. Barney tends to act confident in times of quiet and fumble around like an old lady who just had her cane kicked out when things go wrong.barney_fife

Famous line: “Now here at the Rock we have two rules. Memorize them until you can say them in your sleep. Rule number one: obey all rules. Rule number two: no writing on the walls.”

Why you should steer clear: It is almost a foregone conclusion that at some point his gun is going to accidentally discharge. To my knowledge no one to this point has been killed by a misfire but you’d hate to be the first. Better safe than sorry.


Minnesota Fats

From: The Hustler(1961)

Played By: Jackie Gleason

Who is this guy?: He is the cool, calm, and collected pool playing legend that frequents the Ames Billiard Hall in New York. He is always well dressed and shoots a razor sharp pool game. Regarded by minnesota_fats everyone around him as the best. He takes on “Fast” Eddie in a 40+ hour pool session of epic proportions

Famous line: “Do you like to gamble Eddie? Gamble money on pool games?”

Why you should steer clear: Unless your name is “Fast” Eddie Felson it’s safe to say that any money you put on the line against Fats will soon be leaving the pool hall in his pocket.



The Three Stooges (Larry, Curly, Moe, and sometimes Shemp)

From: The television show “The Three Stooges” and a number of movies.

Played By:Harry Moses Horwitz (Moe Howard), Jerome Lester Horwitz (Curly Howard), Louis Feinberg (Larry Fine), and Samuel Horwitz (Shemp Howard)stooges

Who are these guys: They are three crazy guys who have found themselves working in many different professions throughout the series such as firemen, doctors, private detectives, waiters, and far too many others to list here. (Episode Guide) Although their professions change from episode to episode one thing always stays the same; their ability to get into and out of trouble.

Famous Lines:“Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk!” (Curly laughing) “Why I oughta…” (Moe) “What’s the big idea?” (Larry) “Eeeb-eeeb-eeeb-eeeb!” (Shemp). Check (wiki) for a far more expansive list.

Why you should steer clear: Much like Barney there is a certainty of sustaining collateral damage. When within striking range you could expect to be hit in the head with any number of different objects including pipe wrenches, broomsticks, cream pies and hammers to name a few. Also not uncommon to expect the occasional eye gouge, face slap, or nose bite.


Jake La Motta

From: Raging Bull (1980)

jake_la_mottaPlayed By:Robert DeNiro

Who is this guy: He is such a complex character it would take a full page to go into detail. So here is the short version. A headstrong, violent, jealous boxer who climbs all the way to the top only to fall back down to the bottom.

Famous Line:  “Do me a favor. I want you to hit me in the face.”/“You never got me down, Ray.”

Why you should steer clear: He gave that wall the beating of it’s life and if you were unlucky enough to be in the same stockade you’d have been beaten in much the same way.

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